If you thought the quotes in the previous list were dumb, these are worse.
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"I've never had knee surgery on any other part of my body."--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."--Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."--Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series
"We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads."--Vlade Divak, basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."--Boxing promoter Dan Duva, on why Mike Tyson hooked up again with promoter Don King
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."--Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."--Jason Kidd, when drafted to the Dallas Mavericks
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"--Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."--Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D
When he heard Joe Jacobi of the Washington Redskins say, "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Oakland Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."--Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."--Basketball star Shaquille O'Neal, when asked whether he had visited the Parthenon on a trip to Greece
"Half this game is 90 percent mental."--Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies baseball team manager
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."--Florida State football coach Bill Peterson. Another time he told the players, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
When Bob Costas asked Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."
"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." --Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, describing his coach, John Jenkins
"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class."--George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."--New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."--NC State's Charles Shackelford
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."--Football commentator and former quarterback Joe Theismann
"I want to eat his children! Praise be to Allah!"--Former boxing champ Mike Tyson, talking about opponent Lennox Lewis
"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."--Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, commenting on his team's 7-27 record for the 1991-92 season.
