THE HOLY BOOK OF UNIVERSAL TRUTHS,
K. U. P.
(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)
Now Here Are Some More Questions I Would Like Answers For:
- Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
- If psychics know all the winning lotto numbers, why aren't they rich?
- What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- Why do they have Braille on drive-thru ATM machines?
- Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- How can noses run and feet smell?
- Why do pianos have black keys and white keys, but they never have Hispanic keys?
- Can one be a closet claustrophobe?
- Why don't we ever hear of gruntled employees?
- Is it okay for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
- How can someone drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
- Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
- If December is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- If a dog chased a car and caught it, what would he do with it next?
- If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
- Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
- If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- Whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
- If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman.....is he still wrong?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it considered a hostage situation?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Isn't it scary that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?
- If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
- Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
- If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
- Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
- Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- What were Humpty Dumpty's parents thinking when they named him?
- Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
- How could a cute kid like Beaver Cleaver grow up to be Jerry Mathers?
- Why does every toaster have a burnt-to-a-crisp setting, when nobody likes their toast that way?
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