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The Xenophile Historian





THE HOLY BOOK OF UNIVERSAL TRUTHS,
K. U. P.


(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)





Now Here Are Some More Questions I Would Like Answers For:


  1. Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
  2. If psychics know all the winning lotto numbers, why aren't they rich?
  3. What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  4. Why do they have Braille on drive-thru ATM machines?
  5. Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  6. How can noses run and feet smell?
  7. Why do pianos have black keys and white keys, but they never have Hispanic keys?
  8. Can one be a closet claustrophobe?
  9. Why don't we ever hear of gruntled employees?
  10. Is it okay for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
  11. How can someone drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
  12. Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
  13. If December is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  14. If a dog chased a car and caught it, what would he do with it next?
  15. If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
  16. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
  17. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  18. Whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
  19. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman.....is he still wrong?
  20. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it considered a hostage situation?
  21. Is there another word for synonym?
  22. Isn't it scary that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?
  23. If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
  24. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
  25. Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
  26. If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
  27. Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
  28. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  29. What were Humpty Dumpty's parents thinking when they named him?
  30. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
  31. How could a cute kid like Beaver Cleaver grow up to be Jerry Mathers?
  32. Why does every toaster have a burnt-to-a-crisp setting, when nobody likes their toast that way?

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