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The Xenophile Historian

K. U. P.

(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)

Modernized Fairy Tales

Maybe James Finn Garner should consider these for his next volume of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories.

The Poor Peasant Girl

Once upon a time there was a poor peasant girl who lived with her poor peasant father in a squalid peasant hut.

One day, as she was eating dirt and gravel in her front yard, she was approached by a handsome prince riding a magnificent steed. "Want to marry me?", the prince asked. "Sure", she answered, and away they rode to the palace, where they lived happily ever after.

Then she dumped the prince, took all his money, and moved to another village to set up the "poor peasant girl" scam again.

The Liberated Princess

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed froglegs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:

"I don't [expletive deleted] think so."

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