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The Xenophile Historian





THE HOLY BOOK OF UNIVERSAL TRUTHS,
K. U. P.


(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)





What If There Were Consultants Two Thousand Years Ago?

Jesus Might Have Received a Letter Like This:

Jesus ben Joseph
Woodcrafters Carpenter Shop
Nazareth, Galilee 25922

Dear Sir,

Thank you for submitting the resumes of the 12 men picked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have taken our battery of tests, and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultants. The profiles of all tests are included and you will want to study each of them carefully. As part of our service we have made some general comments much as an auditor would include some general statements.

This report is given as a result of staff consultation and comes without any additional fee. It is the staff opinion that most of the men are lacking the background, education and vocational aptitude necessary for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept.

Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no leadership qualities. The two brothers, James and John, sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty. Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. We feel it is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the "Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau." Thaddeus and Simon definitely have radical leanings and they both registered high scores on the manic depressive scale.

One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious and responsible. We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right hand man. All of the other profiles are self-explanatory. We wish you every success in your new venture.

Sincerely,

Jordan Management Consultants


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