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The Xenophile Historian

K. U. P.

(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)

This is an Old Saying--That I Just Made Up!

  1. If it's popular all of a sudden, watch out! Fads can go out of style as fast as they come into style. Does anybody remember streaking?
  2. Choose your enemies with care, for if you fight them long enough, you will come to resemble them.
  3. The Chinese guy who said "A picture is worth a thousand words" should have worked with computer graphics!
  4. Government assistance is like a blood transfusion performed by a clumsy doctor. He takes blood out of one arm, spills some of it, puts the rest in the other arm--and charges for it!
  5. If men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, then children are from Mercury. ("Hey! Which way did that kid go?")
  6. The pre-convention phase of a US presidential election is like the little car that drives around in the middle of the circus. You wonder how they got so many clowns in there!
  7. The loudness of a TV/radio commercial is inversely proportional to how intelligent the advertiser thinks you are. Ever notice how they scream on used car commercials, while nobody raises his/her voice on ads for investment firms or technical schools? Never buy anything from a company that uses explosions to get your attention.
  8. If I were the devil and plotting world domination, my primary human agents would not be a group of old men who meet privately in a well-marked building, wear funny hats and act goofy. (Compare this with what Dave Barry said about God in Chapter 4.)
  9. Never give money to a televangelist whose studio looks like a whorehouse. Recently my pastor called folks like that "Prophets for Profit."
  10. If you leave home, and find yourself ready to go sooner than you expected, you probably forgot something.

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