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The Xenophile Historian

K. U. P.

(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)

Fixing a Flat

Once upon a time a man was driving in the middle of the night when he got a flat tire. When he came to a stop, he realized that he was across the street from a mental institution. A bad place and a bad time to break down, but he couldn't do anything about it, so he got out of the car and got to work. He wasn't alone; only a chain-link fence separated him from the asylum, and one of the inmates was on the other side, watching him.

Keeping a nervous eye on the inmate, the driver took out the spare tire, and the tools he needed. He removed the lug nuts and placed them in the hubcap. Then he took off the flat tire and fitted on the spare. All this time he wondered, "Now why is that guy up at this hour, and why is he staring at me?"

Then disaster struck. As the driver went back to get the lug nuts, his foot stepped on the side of the hubcap, sending the nuts flying into the grass. After considerable groping around in the darkness, he only managed to find one. It was then that the inmate finally spoke.

"Take one nut from each of the other tires. Four nuts on each wheel. That will be enough to get you to a service station."

"Good idea," said the driver. "Hey, that's a great idea! If you can think like that, what are you doing in there?"

"Hey pal, I'm in here for being crazy," answered the inmate. "Not stupid."

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