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The Xenophile Historian




New Strange Tech Support Horror Stories . . .



This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

 


 

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one.

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

 


 

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.

 


 

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

 


 

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK.

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

 


 

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

 


 

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Firefox.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

 


 

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

 


 

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

 


 

This one and the next are our personal favorites!

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

 


 

And last but not least!

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a P."

Tech support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech support: " 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!"


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