The Xenophile Historian

The Pope's Lesson About Democrats and Republicans

It wasn't reported in the news, but Pope Benedict XVI took a couple of days off last fall to visit the rugged mountains of Maine for some sightseeing. He was cruising along a campground on the Penobscot when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "I ♥ Obama" hat and a "Save the Whales" t-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of an enormous black bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, suddenly out from the woods came a group of Republican loggers at lightning speed. All were wearing "Go Sarah!" t-shirts and 'Dick Cheney is my hero' baseball hats. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest.

The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck, while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over.

"I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democrat environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," his buddy responded, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"

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