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The Xenophile Historian




You Might Be A Northern Redneck



I have been told that the North has its share of gloriously unsophisticated folks, and the only real difference between uncultured Southerners and Northerners is winter. Hence, the name I sometimes hear for northern rednecks: "chillbillies." Now that I'm no longer living in the former Confederacy, I think I'm going to meet some of them.

YOU MIGHT BE A NORTHERN REDNECK IF:

  1. Your main transportation from late October to early April is named "Skidoo" or "Arctic Cat."
  2. Your ice-fishing shanty is bigger than your home.
  3. Your wife's sexiest nightwear is made of flannel.
  4. You've burned a tire on the hood of your car to keep it running.
  5. Your most exciting fishing story is about how you lost three fingers and four toes.
  6. You lost your riding lawnmower through the ice.
  7. Your idea of winter entertainment is watching spit freeze on a metal pole.
  8. You once hit a road sign with a hunk of Wisconsin cheddar, thrown from a moving vehicle.
  9. The dweeb you beat up after gym class was named Garrison Keillor.
  10. You get a good grade in penmanship for writing in the snow.
From a listener on the John Boy & Billy Big Show.


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