The Xenophile Historian

• You take your smart phone to the outhouse to read your email.
• Your email address ends in "@yonder.com."
• Your computer is worth more than all of your cars combined.
• You ever refer to your computer as "Old Bessie."
• You start all of your emails with the word "Howdy."
• You can fix a trolling motor with a set of PC tools.
• You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to sit your beer can on.
• Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite tractor.
• You think re-booting is getting new soles on your boots.
• You post squirrel recipes on a website.
• You've ever bought beer online.
• You write to Hewlett-Packard, asking them to sponsor a NASCAR team.
• You've modeled your new 'Daisy Dukes' for a webcam.
• You have a celphone headset for your fishing boat.
• Your robot dog is named 'Bubba'.
• You belong to a chewing tobacco group on Facebook.
• Your windows wallpaper is the confederate flag.
• You make John Wayne MP3s.
• Your IM lists are "Hunting buddies" and "Mama'n them".
• Your ringtone is a Hank Williams song.
• You changed beauty shops because they didn't offer wi-fi while you were under the hair driers.
• You modified your gunrack to hold a rifle AND your laptop.
• You help install a wi-fi hotspot in your favorite Honky Tonk.
• You have called Graceland to tell them their webcam was down.
• You have your monster truck magazine collection on CD-ROM.
• You've ever been to a computer show wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt.
• You've used your shoe's spike heel to pry out a DVD that was stuck in the player.
• Your ISP's office is on a gravel road.
• You sent your husband a Dolly Parton e-card on the first day of deer season.
• You have Harley Davidson stickers on your mouse.
• Your Windows sound files are all steel guitar.
• You wrote a really cool flash animation that involves Jack Daniels.
• You've ever emailed a digital photo of your new tattoo.
• You know the GPS coordinates of your deer stand and duck blind.
• You've used Photoshop to see what you'd look like in Tammy Faye makeup.
• You've used a locking CD case to close a bag of salsa chips.
• You've ever gotten Kripsy Kreme icing INSIDE your keyboard or cell phone.
• You've ever spilled moonshine on your Blackberry.
• You wired your grandma's outhouse with broadband just for giggles.
• You have a satellite photo of the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleaders on your wall.
• You've ever painted a URL on an overpass.
• You've discussed high capacity hard drives while getting your cowboy boots polished.

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