The Xenophile Historian

"Dad," he says, "You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue, how to talk!" "That’s amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole’ Blue in that program?"

"Just send him over here with $1,000," the boy says, "and I’ll get him in the course." So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.

A month later, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So, how’s Ole’ Blue doing son?" his Father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won’t believe this, they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" The boy replies, "Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. The boy and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the rest of the year. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. In the past he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, but this time the boy asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.

So, she has him shoot the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.

"Where’s Ole’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does."

"Then Ole’ Blue turned to me and asked, ‘So - is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?’"

The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Daddy!"

"That’s my boy!"

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