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The Xenophile Historian

The Top 40 Country Music Titles

What happens when you play a country song backwards?
You get your girl back, you get your dog back, you get your truck back, and you sober up!

Self-driving car joke.

Anyway, these are the best titles to country songs I have heard of:

  1. Do You Love As Good As You Look?
  2. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
  3. Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
  4. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
  5. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
  6. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
  7. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
  8. I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
  9. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
  10. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
  11. I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
  12. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
  13. I Wanna Whip Your Cow
  14. I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
  15. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
  16. I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
  17. I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
  18. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
  19. If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
  20. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
  21. If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
  22. If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
  23. If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
  24. Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
  25. May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Ass
  26. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
  27. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
  28. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
  29. Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You.
  30. Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill.
  31. She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
  32. She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
  33. She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
  34. When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards So I'll Think You're Walking In
  35. You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
  36. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
  37. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
  38. You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
  39. Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
  40. I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
And here are two that didn't make the list, so they get honorable mentions:

It's hard to get you off my mind when you're always on my face.

While I was out gettin' hammered she was home gettin' nailed.

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© Copyright 2021 Charles Kimball