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The Xenophile Historian




Are Northerners "Blue Necks?"



By now you've probably heard all the Redneck jokes. If you haven't, check out an episode of "Blue Collar TV," where you can see Southerners as they see themselves. Now here are the quirks Southerners notice in their Northern cousins.

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF:

  1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."
  2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
  3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
  4. For breakfast, you would prefer au gratin potatoes to grits.
  5. You don't know what a moon pie is.
  6. You've never had an RC cola.
  7. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
  8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
  9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
  10. You have no idea what a polecat is.
  11. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
  12. You don't have bangs.
  13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
  14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
  15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you refer to them as "you guys," even if both of them are women.
  17. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent and that he is a great role model for future generations.
  18. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
  19. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
  20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house to keep rust off your guns and use on your joints for aches and pains.
  21. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an onramp to the highway.
  22. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  23. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
  24. You call binoculars opera glasses.
  25. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  26. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
  27. You don't know what applique is.
  28. You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Carolyn Elizabeth, Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, etc.)
  29. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
  30. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
  31. You can do your laundry without quarters.
  32. None of your fur coats are homemade.

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© Copyright 2016 Charles Kimball




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