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| The Xenophile Historian |
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Frankfort, Kentucky burned down?
A: Yep. Purty near took out the whole trailer park.
A new law recently passed in Eastern Kentucky: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Kentucky?
A: I-65 (In my case it's I-75).
Two Kentuckians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Dean, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."
"OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
Q: What do a divorce in Eastern Kentucky, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
A Kentuckian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
Q: Why do folks in Eastern Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: The sign said "17 and under not admitted."
Q: What do you get when you have 32 Eastern Kentuckians in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What's long and hard on a Kentucky football player?
A: First grade.
Q: Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Kentucky State Lottery?
A: If you win, you gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
Q: Why are murder cases hard to solve in Kentucky?
A: No dental records, and everyone has the same DNA.
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called the teethbrush.
The Kentuckian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car.
"Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.
"No," he replied.
A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?"
"No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch."
A guy walks into a bar in Kentucky and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee queer.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain’t from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I’m from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I’m a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!"
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