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The Xenophile Historian




50 Truths of Life



These 50 true statements are organized into groups of ten, by ethnic group. Lest somebody find this too "politically incorrect," I will poke fun at my group first, the WASPs (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants).

TEN TRUTHS LATINOS, BLACKS, REDNECKS AND ASIANS KNOW, BUT WASPS WON'T ADMIT

  1. Elvis is dead.
  2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
  3. Jesus was not a White Anglo-Saxon.
  4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
  5. Dressing at The Gap doesn't make you a fashion expert.
  6. N'Sync will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
  7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
  8. An occasional butt whooping helps a child stay in line.
  9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
  10. Rap music is here to stay.
TEN TRUTHS WASPS, BLACKS, REDNECKS, AND ASIANS KNOW, BUT LATINOS WON'T ADMIT
  1. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
  2. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
  3. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
  4. A curandero is a folk healer, not a doctor.
  5. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
  6. Seven people in a car with four seats, or ten people in a home, is considered too many.
  7. Jesus is not an appropriate name for your son.
  8. Maria is an appropriate name, but for only one of your daughters.
  9. Letting your children run wildly through the store can get your butt whooped (or theirs).
  10. The Pope is not God.
TEN TRUTHS WASPS, LATINOS, REDNECKS AND ASIANS KNOW, BUT BLACKS WON'T ADMIT
  1. Tupac is dead.
  2. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
  3. Having a ring on every finger is too much.
  4. O.J. did it.
  5. Teeth should not be decorated.
  6. Breaks are usually only 15 minutes.
  7. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
  8. Selling crack doesn't make you a business man.
  9. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
  10. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
TEN TRUTHS WASPS, LATINOS, BLACKS AND ASIANS KNOW, BUT REDNECKS WON'T ADMIT:
  1. Taking a shower won't burn your skin.
  2. A goat is a farm animal, not a house pet.
  3. Cheating on your sister with your cousin is not OK, even though you keep it in the family.
  4. NASCAR races are not intellectually challenging.
  5. Going on the Jerry Springer Show doesn't make you a celebrity.
  6. Owning a big junkyard shouldn't be a topic to brag about.
  7. Finishing Junior High in less than 7 years doesn't make you a nerd.
  8. Taking your date out with your dad's tractor won't impress her.
  9. The back of your truck is not exactly a honeymoon destination.
  10. Drinking beers at Church is not OK.
TEN TRUTHS WASPS, LATINOS, BLACKS AND REDNECKS KNOW, BUT ASIANS WON'T ADMIT:
  1. A GPA of 3.9 doesn't make you an underachiever.
  2. Dogs are pets, not a fancy restaurant dish.
  3. Eating rice four times a day is not a healthy diet.
  4. The peace sign is outdated.
  5. It's OK to finish college and still be single.
  6. Taking pictures of strangers is just weird.
  7. You need girls just as much as you need boys.
  8. There is more to giving a haircut than using a bowl and scissors.
  9. There is more to life than money.
  10. Dressing and acting like you came out of a manga doesn't make you sexy.

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© Copyright 2016 Charles Kimball




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