(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)

First of all, why do they try to communicate with us by making circles in fields of wheat, or by drawing lines in the Peruvian desert? It would make a lot more sense to put up a billboard with an announcement like, "Don't use nuclear power. It's more dangerous than you think."

Second, why are all the UFO sightings in redneck communities? We never hear about aliens going to New York City, Washington D.C., Los Angeles, or any other important place; however, a small town ten miles from my home reports UFOs quite often. Nowadays I wouldn't be too surprised if I drove through the country somewhere and saw a flying saucer outside a mobile home, mounted on cinder blocks! ("Yee-hah, we dun traveled 500 light-years to enter our spaceship in your monster truck show!")

But now that I think of it, we must also look dumb, judging from what we've done in space so far. Do you remember the experiment where the space shuttle released a ball on a long wire to see if it would generate electricity, and the wire broke when it built up a charge? Imagine what extraterrestrial observers would have said about that!

"Oh look, the Earthlings lost a giant yo-yo."
"That's not as good as what they did on their moon. They left behind some expensive equipment, including a car, and took home a bunch of rocks!"

© Copyright 2005 Charles Kimball