THE HOLY BOOK OF UNIVERSAL TRUTHS,
K. U. P.
(Kimball's Unauthorized Perversion)
Only in America
"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."--Oscar Wilde
To learn more about the strange and amazing customs of the USA, read Xenophobe's Guide to the Americans.
- Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".
- Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- Only in America...are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink.
- Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes locked in the garage.
- Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
- Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
- Only in America...do we award someone $3,000,000 for spilling hot coffee in their own lap.
- Only in America...do we have labels on baby strollers to remind people to remove the baby before folding up the stroller.
- Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- Only in America...do drugstores put back pain relievers are on the bottom shelf.
- Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, large fries--and a diet coke.
- Only in America...do they have drive-through ATM machines with Braille lettering!
- Only in America...does every single toaster have a setting so high it burns the toast to a blackened crisp which no decent human being would eat.
- Only in America do we create lists like this...
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